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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 14:48:29 GMT
Need a laugh in lockdown? Submit your best jokes and one-liners below.
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 14:49:02 GMT
A referee walked past my house yesterday and started arguing with my neighbour. It all kicked off.
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 15:54:16 GMT
How can you get four suits for one pound?
Buy a deck of cards.
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 15:55:32 GMT
I once worked in a bank but soon lost interest. My boss invested in someone new.
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 15:57:27 GMT
The Lord said to John,
"Come forth and you will receive eternal life"
John came fifth and got a certificate.
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 15:58:42 GMT
I phoned up the local swimming baths and said, "Is that the local swimming baths?"
He said "it depends where you're calling from"
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 15:59:26 GMT
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 16:00:31 GMT
My property is quite musical. I live in A Flat.
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 16:02:13 GMT
I recently went to Switzerland. I can't really remember much of what happened or what I enjoyed, but the flag was a big plus.
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 16:03:04 GMT
I enjoy telling Dad jokes. He laughs quite a lot.
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 16:04:17 GMT
Do you want to know the secret to how NASA organise big parties?
They planet.
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 16:06:35 GMT
The inventor of the knock knock joke should get a nobel prize.
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 16:15:28 GMT
Person 1: Hello! Person 2: Hello! Person 1: What's your name? Person 2: Watt. Person 1: I said What's your name? Person 2: My name is Watt. Person 1: Ok. Person 2: What's your name? Person 1: My name is Knott. Person 2: Not what? Person 1: I know it's not Watt, that's your name. Person 2: What is your name then? Person 1: No, my name is Knott. Person 2: Not what? Person 1: Knott is my name. Person 2: What? Person 1: No, you're Watt. Person 2: I'm Watt. Person 1: And I'm Knott. Person 2: I know you're not Watt, I'm Watt, you're not! Person 1: Correct.
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 16:17:49 GMT
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
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Post by Tom Bowen on Jun 15, 2020 16:20:29 GMT
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
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